Post-Bairn Half Training – Week 2


Alternate title for this post: “Well, that deescalated quickly.”

Sigh no more, readers, sigh no more
My training plan hopes were deceivers ever…

Okay, enough melodrama. TL;dr my plan got derailed pretty severely after my glorious first week. Is anyone surprised? Training plans and I are star-crossed, it seems. Let’s recap:

Rest | Rest

Like I said last week, I’m awesome at rest days. This one was perfectly timed too, since the Bairn woke up with a fever and we both stayed home and laid low.

3m run | 3m run

The Bairn was still home on Tuesday, and after being in the house with him for two days I was a little stir crazy. (We usually run errands or get out of the house somehow, but I didn’t want to drag a feverish wee one with a snot-fountain for a nose out where he could infect others.) Drew was working from home, and during a break in his meetings I booked it to the gym for a welcome break and a treadmill run.

Good things about this run:

  1. I remembered my ipod and had a bumpin’ soundtrack to get me going.
  2. The gym was practically empty. It was glorious.

Not so good things about this run:

  1. My right knee.

Oh boy. This knee has been the bane of my existence more than once on this blog, and I was not happy to feel familiar twinges. I should have stopped my run once I felt it, or walked the remaining distance to 3 miles, but I was stupidly stubborn (I completed Week 1, and I will complete Week 2, knees be damned!!). I finished the run, stretched, and headed home to rejoin my ailing Bairn, with my knee mostly feeling better. Ish.

2m run or CT | rest and ice

Wednesday the Bairn was feeling better and back at school, so I was back at work. A day of constantly moving from sitting to standing, going up and down stairs every few minutes, and lifting boxes and pushing carts didn’t help my knee any. I had originally planned to do some of my PT/gait retraining exercises to help bolster my knee but decided putting them up and popping some ice on them would probably be the best bet.


30 mins CT | rest

After the previous night’s icing, I thought my CT would either be a gentle bike ride at the gym or the PT exercises I had planned to do the night before. Then I woke up having inherited the Bairn’s snot-fountain of a nose. I didn’t feel right dropping the still-not-100% Bairn at the gym daycare, nor did I want to drip snot all over the gym equipment (nor did I really want to use the gym equipment with the way I was feeling) so the bike was right out.

As the day wore on, I felt worse and worse and really didn’t want to do any kind of physical activity beyond chasing the Bairn around the house. I decided to swap Friday’s rest day for Thursday’s CT and called it a night.

Rest | Rest

Then Friday happened. I well and truly had caught whatever the Bairn had at the beginning of the week, and Friday was my day to have a fever. My mom, bless her most wonderful soul, braved the germs and came over to help wrangle the Bairn while I sat on the couch, shivering under a blanket.

There’s really no point in finishing the week in this posting fashion, because as you’ve probably already guessed, I didn’t run at all at the weekend. Between dealing with the fever’s alternating chills and overheating sessions Friday night, and taking a mega-Sudafed as a last resort on Saturday night and being kept awake all night as a result, not to mention the Bairn’s coughing and night wakings, I didn’t get much sleep all weekend. Even if I had been feeling up to running, the lack of sleep probably would have kept me from getting the miles in.

So, sad trombone noises for Week 2.


Now the question is, how do I handle this training plan going forward?

In all honesty, I was setting myself up for badness from the start. I really should have been running/training more before diving right into a plan that asked for 3 miles right off the bat. I knew this deep down. I had intentions of doing just that. As is wont to happen in my distracted #mombrain these days, I lost track of time and all of a sudden had just enough time to squeeze in a 12-week plan, with no room beforehand to build up properly. Knowing my body, that’s just asking for an injury.

Before whatever plague this was hit me, I figured I’d sacrifice one run per week to focus on PT exercises for my knees, and to make sure I do the cross-training that’s called for, rather than just 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there. I wanted to do it right… or as “right” as I could at this point.

And then the plague. If this tale of woe sounds vaguely familiar, an eerily similar situation happened a few years back – almost to the day! – when I was taking a Couch to 5-Miler class at work and was making strides (ha!) and feeling great about myself. In fact, looking back on that post, the intro I wrote rings quite a few bells:

“My first week of training was going so well, readers. So well. As I ran my prescribed miles on the treadmill, I was eagerly looking forward to writing a wrap-up post on this blog that showed just how well I had stuck to my training plan (lame, I know), and I couldn’t wait to show up at my second running class with my head held high, having actually completed the “homework” of sticking to the plan. … And then I got the flu.”

More sad trombones.

So what’s the best course of action now? Do I…

  1. Start the training plan over/repeat Week 2 when I’m feeling better?
  2. Jump back in at Week 3, but with some tweaks?
  3. Scrap the training plan and start a 5K training plan, then start this one once that’s done, and then just run the half as best I can? (Having run a half with minimal training I know it’s possible, it’s just not ideal)
  4. Scrap everything, give my race registration to a friend who’s on the wait-list, and just enjoy a weekend in Western Mass without running?
  5. Your suggestion here?

Lesson 4: Knowing When (and That it’s Okay) to Stop

Well hello again, and welcome to the fourth installment of lessons I’ve learned as I navigate post-baby running! If you’re keeping score at home, my previous lessons are:

  1. Lower my expectations
  2. Be prepared
  3. Be willing to compromise

This week’s lesson is all about knowing when to quit, and knowing that it’s really okay to do so.

Let’s set the scene. It’s yet another Sunday morning and Drew is encouraging me to get out and run with the Shammies. However, it’s Beach 2 Beacon weekend, and most SMSers are up in Maine.

[Brief aside: in my post about B2B last year I said I wanted to run it every year. It’s a fab race. I actually won a spot in this year’s race via the lottery, but ended up transferring my bib to a Shammie who didn’t get in. By the time I found out I got a spot, all the good hotels and airbnbs were booked, and logistics with a baby were too much for my brain to deal with. There’s always next year! #loweringmyexpectations #rollingwithit]

Drew took the Bairn out to get breakfast, and I set out for a run around the neighborhood. Last time it went really well, so I had some hopes of repeating that. Some things had stacked up against me, however, and it was not to be.

For one, my shoes are starting to hurt. I had heeded Lesson 2 and had my shoes all untied and ready to go, but they felt squeezy and uncomfortable. Sometimes pregnancy can change your feet a bit and make them bigger, and I’ve been wanting to get my feet/gait checked at Marathon Sports to make sure I’m wearing proper kicks. But that requires time, which I don’t have a lot of these days, plus I couldn’t justify spending money on new shoes when my current pair are still in decent shape. Alas.


The shoes in question

For another, my knees are a little dodgy lately from all the bouncing I’ve been doing on our exercise ball to help get the Bairn to sleep. (Sometimes, even though They say not to, you just need to fall back on your sleep crutches so that YOU can get some sleep. Still in survival mode over here. And hoping that someday he’ll realize that he can, in fact, fall asleep on his own.)

And third, after wondering if my great run last time was at all due to my new Legend compression calf sleeves (review coming soon), I decided to go sleeve-less this time around.

So, yeah. After a brief warmup walk, I set off down the hill and right away my feet hurt. Not badly, but enough to throw me off my game. Then I could feel my knees… they didn’t hurt, per se, but they felt like they were about to start hurting at any moment. And then my shins, ow the splints. So splinty. Turns out the calf sleeves really make a difference.

I had barely gone 25 yards and my body was protesting. I wanted to stop, but I felt like it was way too early to declare my run a failure. I told myself just to make it to the end of the street, to take it easy, to focus on keeping my knees from doing anything stupid.

And I barely made it. I was practically limping, and my feet were doing weird things in my shoes to try to escape the squeezing. I turned around at the end of the street and walked, mentally assessing my body. I felt like if I tried to go any further, I’d be risking injuring something, and I really don’t want that right now, right as I’m making my semi-glorious return.

So I walked home. I traveled 1.03 miles in 16:30, and less than half of that was spent running/hobbling.

And that’s okay. As short and bad as it was, I got out for a run. That little bit was better than nothing, and better a short, bad run than a longer one that ends in injury.

It’s hard sometimes to quiet my inner voice that says dumb things like “no pain no gain” or compares my current running attempts to my halcyon days when I was in shape and uninjured and getting faster all the time.

But that voice needs to shut it. I’m not in the shape I was once in, my body is still a little wonky and I’m still getting used to it, and someday I’ll be better. But right now I just need to get out there smartly, so that I can get better. I’d rather quit a run and potentially stave off a return of my dodgy knees than explore the alternative!

What exciting lesson will I learn next? Stay tuned to find out!

Half Marathon #2: The Build-Up

Hi there! Remember me? Apologies yet again for abandoning the blog for a bit… I know I’m overdue for a recap of the Worcester Running Festival Half (spoiler alert: I finished!!), and I have a large handful of other posts I’ve been meaning to write. It’s my same old excuse, but life and work have been crazy, leaving me not much time or mental energy to write. But a long weekend is upon us and hopefully I can get back in the swing of things!

I started drafting a race recap for the half, but found that I was rambling on a LOT about the build up and pre-race stuff. So instead of deleting it (my first instinct) or posting one honkin’ long race recap, I decided to break it in two. And so… let’s get on with the rambling, shall we?

logo_worcOnce upon a time I signed up for the Worcester Running Festival half marathon, both as a fit of hometown pride and as a goal to work toward. Then I injured my knee and grudgingly dropped to the 5k option, and then the race was postponed due to lightening. Since I was going to be out of town on the make-up day, I took the waiver they offered to run it the following year, and bumped back up to the half in expectation that I could be properly trained by then. Again, it would be a great goal to work toward.

Well, that year has come and gone, and this is my story.

As you’ll know if you’ve been reading my blog or following me on Instagram these past few weeks, I was freaking out a bit before this race because, well, I hadn’t trained properly [sad trombone]. I had only got up to 5 miles in my training runs, and the farthest I had run all year was a 10k. I was vastly unprepared.

Add to that anxiety about being under-trained the fact that the forecast for race day was upper 80s and sunny, and I was dreading things. My first and only half marathon was run in October when it was a crisp 50s with cloud cover (perfect running weather!) and I’ve run no more than 5k or so when it’s been wicked hot, so I was nervous. I don’t usually do well in the heat!

Appealing to the camerawoman for help during one of my hottest races to date

Appealing to the camerawoman for help during one of my hottest races to date

Maybe the smart thing would have been to drop to the 5k once again, or just not do it at all, but I was already registered, darn it, and I couldn’t bring myself to have yet another DNS on record, so in spite of my anxiety I was determined.

The Day Before

The race started bright and early at 7am, so I splurged and booked us a room in a hotel that’s a 5-minute walk from the starting line. I spent the first part of the day before packing and trying to make sure I remembered everything, then I accompanied Drew on a work errand before making a quick stop at my work to pick up the earbuds I had forgotten. (I’ve never listened to music during a race, but I knew I’d need all the help I could get at this race!)

Earbuds in hand, we set off westward for Worcester… only to get a good ways down the Pike before I remembered that I had forgotten – of all things – my running shoes. Seriously, how did I forget those??

I'm not cut out for this. I need my kicks! (source)

I’m not cut out for this. I need my kicks! (source)

Another detour home to grab the shoes and we were once again on our way. We managed to just get to Sneakerama in time for me to pick up my bib (anything to buy me 5 extra minutes of sleep the next morning!). I was the only one there, and got my bib, shirt, and a few coupons within a minute. I even got a friendly reminder from the race director to set an alarm for the next day.

We checked in to the hotel, and I realized that I hadn’t grabbed any breakfast for pre-race… just a Honey Stinger waffle. I felt like I could use something more substantial for a half, so we went across the street to the convenient store to pick up Honey Nut Cheerios, a protein bar, a giant bottle of water… and a pack of mini-donuts and a protein shake for post-race recovery. And Polar orange dry, because we were in Worcester and you kind of have to rock the Polar when you’re there (and anyway, orange dry is my love!)

Pre-race dinner

Pre-race dinner

We picked up some takeout pasta from a local Italian place – fettuccine primavera for me, so good! – and I spent the rest of the evening watching tv with my legs up. And hydrating. And still freaking out a little. And regretting not dropping to the 5k. And worrying that I wouldn’t sleep well (we stayed at the same hotel last year and it’s literally right across the street from a railroad crossing where trains lay on their horns all night. It’s a good time. And plus there was a wedding reception and all the rowdy guests seemed to be on our floor).

I eventually managed to fall asleep (and only got woken up once by a train, miraculously), and after a night of stress dreams about the race, was up at the crack of dawn and donning my kit and fighting back crazy pre-race nerves.

Would I make it? Would I faint on the course? Would I have to DNF? Stay tuned for part 2 to find out the answers to these and more! (Except I already told you I made it, oops!) 😉

Do you have any rituals for the night before a big race? Certain foods you eat?

Anyone else experience race-related stress dreams?

Is It Time to Panic Yet?

Back when I was giddily running races all the time pretty often, I kept my “milestone countdown” widgets on my blog sidebar (over there on the right –>) updated pretty well. Once I started riding the DNS Struggle Bus last year, it started getting embarrassing so I just kind of quietly wiped it off the face of my blog, never to be talked about again.

Well, readers, today I went for my second run in a week (crazy, I know!), and decided it was about time to restart the countdowns. After all, I’ve got a big half marathon looming on the horizon, so I thought it would be a good motivator for me to see the days ticking down. So I filled out the widget info, refreshed the page, and then promptly did this:

I’m no longer Beaker-tweaking quite as badly, but I’m still tripping lightly in the Valley of Oh-Crap.

I have a half marathon in a month. Less than a month, actually. And I’ve run three (3) times in the past month, for a whopping total of 11.2 miles. I am grossly under-prepared!

Because I’m me, of course I have excuses. My ribs flared up, travel got in the way of my training, I was trying to be good and follow the baby steps of my GRG’s intervals plan, etc. etc. I had good intentions of following a plan while simultaneously acing my GetFit exercise requirements, but, as you know, those intentions went to hell in a hand-basket. Or some other mixed metaphor.

All that aside, I’m now gazing at this logo and sighing away:

This race and I already have a bit of a checkered past. I signed up for last year’s race, wanting to prove to myself that I could actually follow a training plan, and wanting to see how much better I could run a half if I did actually follow a training plan. Then my knee went wonky, and I grudgingly dropped down to the 5K distance. Then the race got rained out, and I was offered a free entry into this year’s. Since the 2016 race was a full year away, I was confident that I’d be well trained for it.

And we all know how well that’s gone.

I realized about 2 miles into my 3-mile run today that maybe it would have been a good idea to talk to my GRG about this upcoming half, and work with her on a smart plan for it. Why didn’t I? Maybe I was sheepishly embarrassed to tell her I had a half coming up, given that I was basically just relearning how to run. Maybe mid-June still seemed like lightyears away back in early March. I don’t know.

What I’m left with is a vague idea that I’ll just sort of hobble my way through 13.1 miles and hope for the best. I’m sure there will be a lot of walking (especially because the course is hilly and it’s bound to be a hot day), and I’m hoping that there’s no time limit. I’m also hoping that hobbling my way through 13.1 miles won’t result in injury… cue Beaker-tweaking once again.

I’ve got 4 weeks between today and race day to get myself into some sort of semblance of some sort of half-marathon shape, without overdoing it. I bluffed my way through a 10K a few weeks back and managed to do okay (no injuries to speak of and a miraculous PR)… does that mean I’ll be able to bluff my way through more than double that in a month’s time, providing that I can up my mileage to more than 3 by then? Or is a half marathon totally beyond the realm of what can be bluffed? Part of me thinks “eh, this race was technically free… sitting it out wouldn’t be the end of the world.” But part of me wants to just go for it anyway. Hmm.

What would you do – bluff your way through the race or DNS and set your sights on another race further out?

GetFit 2016: The Wrap-Up

Hello and happy Monday! This is a post that’s been in the works for a while, but – as you might have been able to tell from the sheer lack of posts on this blog recently – I’ve been in a bit of a writing slump, so it’s a few weeks late. But it’s here now and that’s what counts, right?

Right, where was I? Oh yes. GetFit. I wrote about it a few months back with a bright spark in my eyes, about how I was going to totally nail all my minutes goals this year because of my ingenious double-whammy GetFit/half-marathon-training-plan fandango. I also had the grand plan to wear Simon every day, since he doubles as a pedometer. Yes, readers, I had my eyes on the prize, and GetFit began with a bang.

Wee Tim, our mascot, ran the GetFit race with us to help us track our progress. He also shed clothing as the weather changed (source)

Wee Tim, our mascot, ran the GetFit race with us to help us track our progress. He also shed clothing as the weather changed (source)

For the first few weeks, my GetFit was on point. I rocked Simon (and my step counts… for the most part), I was meeting and beating my weekly minute goals, and I was blogging regularly about my progress:

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4

Basically, I was all about GetFit in February. Even with a few rocky days thrown in (see the very beginning of Week 1), I was cruising. I even tried out some of the free classes offered through the program (Pilates and a core-strengthening class from hell). Plus, I was making good progress with my half marathon training plan. I was finally sticking with a plan! Go me!

And then… and then I hurt my “good” knee (see Week 3) and scaled back my training plan a bit, so as not to make it worse. And then, my knee stayed dodgy (see Week 4, aka the week of poo) and my dodgy ribs started acting up again. And that’s when the wheels fell off.

I went back to my gait retraining clinic and learned that I don’t breathe correctly, which likely was leading to said dodginess in my ribs. I began trying to relearn how to breathe, on top of trying to relearn how to run properly, and that totally threw my training plan out the window. My GRG gave me an intervals plan to ease back into running, but that got thrown by the wayside due to whirlwind trip planning and then said trip to the UK for work.

As happened in years past, GetFit sort of faded and dropped off my radar as the weeks ticked by. Maybe 12 weeks is just too long for me to stay pumped up? Maybe I’m on teams that aren’t the most guilt-inducing motivating (which is totally my fault, as a co-captain of said teams. What can I say? I’m really good at putting teams together, but then once they’re together it all goes a bit wonky)?

Whatever the reason(s), as in years past, this year I was just looking forward to GetFit ending so that I wouldn’t have to worry about entering my minutes on time lest I let my team down.

However, unlike years past, I actually met all the minute goals this time around!

getfit16Some were by the skin of my teeth, but some (hello, Week 10!) I managed to rock pretty sufficiently.

So, even though I fell off my training plan, and even though I stopped wearing Simon every day to track my steps, and even though I finished the program with much less enthusiasm than I started with, I’d still call GetFit 2016 at least a little bit of a success. It’s the little victories, right? 🙂

What little victories have you celebrated lately?

The Needle Returns to the Start of the Song

…and we all sing along like before. (Any Del Amitri fans out there?)

What the musically inspired title of this post refers to is my glorious(ish) return to running… for the umpteenth time.

In my last post, I mentioned that the wheels had pretty much fallen off my running wagon yet again, but that I was hoping to take inspiration from yesterday’s Boston Marathon and haul my buns outside and get them moving. Did I manage?


Heck yes, I did!

It wasn’t pretty, by any means, and I didn’t get in my full intended workout but, by golly, I ran!

Sunday was an absolutely gorgeous day, sunny and low-60s at the time I laced up and ventured out. I wanted to head down to the pond, which I knew would be picturesque as well as partly shaded, but I also knew that everyone in town and their dogs would also be at the pond, and I just couldn’t deal with that. So I walked to the track as my warmup.

As I alluded a few posts back, my gait retraining coach had given me an intervals-based running plan that’s supposedly a bit easier to tackle than C25K. (I’ve found the jumps in running time a bit difficult to manage when trying to keep up my proper form.) Day 1 involved 5 minutes of walking for warmup and cool-down, and 10x 1 minute of running, 1 minute of walking in the middle.

The first running interval, as is usually the case, was awesome. I flew around the track, feeling strong and fast and quite proud of my form. But, as is usually the case, that fell apart soon afterwards. I probably started too fast, but I’m still struggling to balance my prescribed form with a pace I can manage; the proper form causes me to run faster, and I don’t quite have the fitness to maintain that pace. Which probably all points back to my inefficient breathing, which I’m also working on. Basically, I am a massive work in progress right now.

Anyway, I only managed 5 of the 10 intervals. I seriously considered pushing myself to do at least a few more, but…

  1. I hadn’t hydrated enough (anyone surprised?) and the shadeless track was starting to feel like a desert,
  2. I had forgotten my patella strap and was starting to feel ghost twinges in my right knee,
  3. I thought half a workout is better than no workout, especially as the goal of this whole thing is to NOT get injured.

So, yeah. Half of an introductory workout, which brought my total running distance to about a mile. Part of me was disappointed in myself, but I tried to think of the positives:

  1. I ran! Any running is better than no running.
  2. The workout felt a lot like one of the Shammies’ speed workouts, and I did decently, even if it was only half the workout.
  3. The weather was glorious and I was getting to be outside enjoying it.
  4. Related, it felt awesome to wear shorts/running kit again!
  5. I ran!!

It was a baby step, but a step in the right direction, and I’ll take that. And, my body felt fine afterwards – no niggles at all – and still feels fine two days later! It’s an odd feeling, and I love it 🙂 Here’s hoping this fresh start continues on the same trend!


How is your training going?

Have you ever had to restart your training from the beginning? Multiple times? How do you keep from getting frustrated?

I Want My Running Back, Running Back, Running Back

*sings* Not runniiiiiing, because of my ribs (…barbecue sauce)

(How’s that for a little Monday throwback to the late 90s?)

Apologies for the radio silence. My excuses are as follows:

  1. Work has been crazy and I haven’t had the mental bandwidth to blog
  2. I haven’t been running or working out very much at all, thanks to a recurrence of the dodgy ribs… so, nothing really to blog about, and who wants to read my whining about being injured again?

Right. So. Yes. I may have sprinted my ribs into oblivion during the last 100m of the Shamrocks on the Rocks race, and have been hesitant to do anything that would anger them more since then. Both my running training plan and my GetFit fandango have fallen off the rails, which is especially distressing as I was supposed to start my half marathon training in earnest yesterday. Alas.

My artistic interpretation of the moment my ribs decided to rebel

My artistic interpretation of the moment my ribs decided to rebel.

So while I’ve been neglecting my blog and various related social media accounts, what has been going on?

Relearning how to breathe

I had another appointment with Jen (Gait Retraining Guru), post-rib-flare-up, and she reexamined my breathing. In addition to my ribs going up and down more than they should, the bottom ones have also flapped open all akimbo and my obliques have given up and stopped doing their job (my interpretation of Jen’s diagnosis).

Illu_trunk_musclesApparently, when you breathe in, your lower ribs sort of flare open slightly, then come back in when you breathe out. Mine appear to have flared out and then stayed out there, because I’m not activating all the right bits when I breathe. My obliques have forgotten that they need to activate to pull the ribs back in, so Jen has added more breathing exercises for me to do that will hopefully wake up those lazy obliques and get them working properly again.

I mean, really, who knew that something as subconscious as breathing could affect so many parts of the body like this? No wonder I’m an injured mess all the time.

Relearning how to run

Jen also gave me a few drills to do to help get my running in better shape, too. One of them is an old PT favorite, band walks:

Band walks (source)

Band walks (source)

Interestingly, Jen and my last PT place are very at odds about how my loose-jointed self should perform this exercise. My PT had me point my toes out, which was supposed to help strengthen my IT band. Since I was used to band-walking with my toes pointing out, I defaulted to that at my appointment, only to have Jen scold me for doing so. According to her, since my kneecaps do their own thing, having my toes point out knocks my legs out of alignment (if my kneecaps behaved, this wouldn’t be an issue I guess) and doing the toe-pointy thing is actually bad for my knees. Hmm.

Jen also gave me an intervals plan to get back into running, which is great. (She was pleased that I was able to run properly for the whole Shamrocks 5K, but was a touch exasperated that I aggravated my ribs in the process. She gave me the green light to keep running, but told me to please please please stick to intervals so I don’t hurt myself again.) I’ve been chomping at the bit to give it a go, but each time I think about starting it up, my ribs start to hurt. It’s like they don’t want me to run at all, the jerks.

Adding a new hat at work

For the summer, I’m going to wear a librarian hat on top of my archivist hat, and this has made the last few weeks a tad crazy-pants. It’s really great for my career – and gives me an opportunity to legitimately bandy about my invented title of “archibrarian” – but I’ve got a learning curve to climb on top of the new duties and additional meetings, so I’ll be keeping busy. I’m pretty pumped though!

Getting ready to travel

Related to work, I’m attending a conference soon, so there’s been a lot of planning, booking hotels and flights and trains, making lists, packing, getting shifts covered, and stress-dreaming about not being packed yet when my flight leaves in 10 minutes. Yet another time when I could really use the de-stressing aspect of running! Ah well. Soon. I have grand plans to use the hotel treadmill for some intervals, but we’ll see what actually happens.

How have you been? Any exciting running/traveling/working stories to share?

Do you manage to fit in training when you travel? Any tips on sticking with it?